fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
