I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
