Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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