I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
how does that bad decision feel?
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