Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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