watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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