if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize