I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
