No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
