Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
