I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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