guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
