Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
