did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
