Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just invented taco cereal.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just high enough for therapy.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
