well I can't set my house on fire every night
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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