i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
