HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
