I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
