remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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