she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
