Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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