She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
