Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
