I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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