Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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