I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
