is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
