i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
