Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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