I wish you could order shots online.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
