Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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