I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
