I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
wow bdsm is so cute
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
