I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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