you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize