I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
