So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He has the fingertips of a God
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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