I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
