yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
