is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
