2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I need to align my fucking chakras
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
