my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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