It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
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