you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize