dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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