when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
