a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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