The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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