i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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