My Higher Power is John Stamos
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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