who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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