I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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