we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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