I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
