I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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