So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
