my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
