you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
