loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
