Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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