he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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