I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
