Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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