I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
