Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
