I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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