I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
