There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
