Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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