so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
