hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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