How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
