woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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