I cockslap morals
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
