So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
