Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
