how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My ass is underappreciated
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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