This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
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