cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
