We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
