I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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