I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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