I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
