i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
